love & war.

So let me start out by saying that marriage is GREAT. I truly have loved it, and I wouldn't want to be with any other than man than Paul. He is kind, loving, selfless, romantic, a leader, extremely handsome, and has all the qualities a woman like me would want. I am truly blessed by Paul and this marriage. But can I just say HALLELUJAH for Stasi and John Elderidge who wrote the book "Love and War" that I am currently reading...

I have been struggling lately, and it has been a personal struggle. I find myself trying to be this perfect wife. There are so many "duties" that a wife must fulfill. And I'm just going to be honest, MARRIAGE IS HARD WORK. I never thought I'd admit that, but it is. It is so compleltely different that anything I've ever done in my entire life. Putting someone else before me, serving someone else, seeing that person every day and night of your life. It's a lot to ask of a man of woman and cannot be done without God. I cannot even comprehend how any marriage can work without Jesus being the center and pulling our ropes. Praise the Lord I happened to stumble across this book, because all I've been thinking to myself lately is "I'm just never going to be good enough, I'm not perfect for Paul, how could anybody fully love me?" How could I possibly forget God's love for me, and the whole point of marriage is to show God's love. God knows marriage is hard, but He is showing you a "true love" that you can only grasp through marriage.

Did you know that the Bible begins AND ends with marriage? Marriage is SUCH a huge lesson that God is teaching us with our time here on earth. I will not lie and say that marriage is great all the time, because it's just not. But I love Paul more than I've ever loved anyone, and I love the fact that we get to go through this together. What a wonderful blessing that is.